You are so wise. Some people never learn these lessons. I’m lucky; before she died, and before life taught me some of them the hard way, my own mother told me they were coming. I remember the moment my relationship with her changed and grew into a “grown up” relationship. I remember when hers, with her own mother, did. I think you hit the nail on the head, though — cutting the apron strings can’t happen until the adult child recognizes that they truly have autonomy and can stand up for that to the parent — but as an adult, not as an angry, rebellious child. I feel sorry for mothers and children (as with your husband’s mother) who never manage to make the leap from childhood to healthy adulthood. It sounds like he did, at least, and I’m glad he made the right choice. I’m sorry for her self inflicted losses, and the pain I’m sure it caused you both.