While THIS cruise was wholly imaginary and the article (I’m glad you noticed*) written solely for comedic effect, I have taken enough cruises and one particularly memorable deep-sea fishing trip to do justice to the full experience, with all its joyfully nauseating crests and troughs.

* I did wonder if this piece was too subtle, but felt like saying, “Let’s see if I can hit all 30-something pointers on a single story, woo-hoo!” and screaming naked down the halls, giggling like a maniac, brandishing my pen like a rapier, might’ve been telegraphing the punchline.