I agree with absolutely everything you say here. Except this. Nobody “has to" respect anyone. And I’ll be honest, I don’t care if someone is white, black, or brown — if they use that word, I respect them a little less. Just asi have friends who respect me a little less when I pepper my writing with profanity. I may do that to highlight the immorality of thinking it’s more important tone policing someone than it is to stop police brutality. I may feel like using profanity but tone police myself to make sure my words can’t be used to distract from my point. I use words on purpose, in other words, and can’t expect everyone to respect me despite my words choices. But sometimes, the reaction does help me clarify whose respect I really value, and who is enough of a friend they won’t hold it against me, even if they dislike my words choices.